Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
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