i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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