Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Randomize
