The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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