I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Randomize
