FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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