I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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