apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
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