He disabled his match.com account in front of me
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Randomize