Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
