You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Randomize
