She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
