he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Randomize