You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Randomize
