Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I didn't shave. On purpose
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Randomize
