He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
