its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
