you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Randomize
