i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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