A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
So much rum. So many feels.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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