Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
