So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
