i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
