Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
im holly from the hills drunk
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
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