If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
That's how pantless uber rides happen
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
