You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
