You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
