We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Randomize