in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
