new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I showed him my bush... on skype.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
