3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
