I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I still have a little drunk in my system
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize