dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
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