tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
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