dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
