why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
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