I am puke
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
