I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Randomize
