She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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