Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
