You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
