A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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