Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
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