why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
