Tell her she can't have a vagina
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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