when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
