Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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