that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
