OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
