is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Randomize
