He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
