I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
