I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize