he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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