I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize