this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
