You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
