i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
