can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Everything about him screamed your future.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Randomize
