I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize