I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
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