Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Just high enough for therapy.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
