i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
