Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
