and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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