im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
