bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Randomize
