In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Randomize
