The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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