I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize