proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I think your dad took our porno
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Randomize
