the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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