I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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