Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
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