Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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