so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Randomize
