so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Randomize
