i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Randomize
