I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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