I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
