The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize