Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
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