dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
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