She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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