i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Randomize
