If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
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