My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
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