You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
