It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
