My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
