You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
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