Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
One girl and one boy is just not enough.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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