i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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