it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Randomize