I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
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