I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
