Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
i wish my penis had a tongue
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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