ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
