I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
