The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
