Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
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