he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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