u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
All the doctor said was why
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
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