Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
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