apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
