I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
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